Still-Frames of Fatherhood

For nine years, on the eve of Father’s Day, I’ve written to you. Sometimes it was all my sentiments in a Hallmark Card that spilled over and onto the back and the front, and then even up the sides, but then I changed things up and made my own cards–and my own ways of tracking the most important memories of our days. And your Fatherhood. I chose to document with my camera what I saw with my eyes, and then I’d write to you in pictures. It’s the easiest form of communication for me. You know what they say a picture is worth…

So here we are again, and it’s your ninth Father’s Day. And yet I know you won’t even bat an eye at that. “I don’t need a day,” you tell me. “Really, it’s no different and nothing on a calendar makes me feel more celebrated. I don’t need ‘a day’.” Oh but I do. I want a set date once a year, where I sit and write to you, and sit and sort thorough the last year of memories with you and our most favorite human: Eli Boy. I love that in a fraction of seconds, I can see a still-frame and remember our whole day. I love having a photographic memory, but I know not everyone has that…and so I keep snapping. In hopes that one day, maybe when you’re old and gray (lucky you, you’re not even kind of gray yet!), you’ll be able to look back and remember it all too. Just because of a quiet shutter click. And just because there was…A Day. 

Thank you for being our Super Funny; our sarcastic joke that only E and I get; Eli’s way up high shoulder ride; our Pumpkin-carver; our roof-top-adventuring fun time; our firework starter, flame-throwing Daddy; our video-watcher; Bike-ride Master; kneel-down-for-a-quick-photo Guy. I love that you’re our gentle catch when we fall (or jump!), and our manly, lumberjack-bearded super-big-tractor driver. You’re the best fixer of all-the-things, lay on the floor leak inspector, best hug-there-ever-was Guy. But you’re also that super confident HERO I want to be around, who’ll pose by the Lego Ladies, who’s also the best sword-fighter, snow-derby truck driver, warmest, strong hug I’ve ever felt. Gah, how lucky E and I are to get these on the hour. ♥ Thank you for spending weeks fixing the worst plumbing issue in the “world”, always wanting to mow the grass, even if it’s almost dark out and we haven’t eaten even one meal, and for not ever backing out of the hardest parts of life, our job, and our relationship. Thank you for pivoting our business to cater to our lives and the quality of life we want–and for helping us live in a COVID world as if it’s no big thing. You’re the best snow-fort builder, tree-hugger salesman/teacher, funniest person on the planet to ever have existed. I know…because I’ve shed more tears laughing with you than I ever have crying. My eyes are like oceans with you, J. Waves upon endless waves for you always.

My heart loves you more than I can express because of who you are and what you’ve done for and WITH me and E, and all…well…you know. ♥♥♥♥♥

Happy Father’s Day. Love you to the moon, J. Yes. That far… (wink).

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Easters. Eggs. + Eli

† Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; He has risen! -Luke 24:5-6 †

 † HALLELUJAH! He is Risen! †

It’s been EIGHT Easters with you today! Eight. And neither of us are the wiser for where the time’s gone! I was only half sure you’d even want to do our traditional tree/egg hunt, but silly me! “Of course I do, Mom!!” And yes, my heart melted. So I brought out the eggs.

Unlike last year, we weren’t quite in such a hurry. And unlike every other year, we were in quarantine. Yes, we are living through history right now, Eli, as is the whole world. For the rest of your life, and our own, we’ll never forget this time. The slowing down, the being more present, the locking down in our home as the world shuts down around us. And yet, how fitting (almost) as it’s still occurring during Holy Week; allowing us serious time to reflect together. We’ve done things this week we’ve never made time for! There are so many silver linings to the sadness we see around us, and that’s been our mantra each day: Focus on the Good. Seek and ye shall find.

I marvel at how much you’ve grown!! You could barely wear these shoes and this was your only “non black” outfit that mostly fit you. It’s crazy to think back to years and years of Easters with you where you wore the exact same outfit…and it had never occurred to me that you weren’t really growing! It’s so funny how I’d just never suspected anything was wrong. To me, you have always been perfect. But–we’ve figured it out, helped establish your treatments, and now: you’re my hero. So YES, yes you are growing by leaps and bounds now, and taking your injections like a true warrior. ♥ (more…)

Austin Bridal Editorial | Banks + Leaf | Wedding Sparrow

When we are asleep in this world,

We are awake in another one.

-salvador dali

Rest. We all need it. NEED. And while I rest, sleep, and take a break, I’m suddenly awake in my creativity. We all were. Texas and its white skies that week woke us all up from within, while simultaneously allowing us to re-set: To be more creative than we’d allowed ourselves time for. It was heaven on earth for those four days. And resting beneath the canopy of trees that dwarf you, while being surrounded by friends who truly get you and whom you truly love, was magic. When I close my eyes, I’m already back.

From an Austin Editorial with Banks + Leaf. Whom I already miss.

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